we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
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his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
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Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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