i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize