he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize