Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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