did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
you never un-have a 4some
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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