im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
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So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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