First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize