Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
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Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
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Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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