Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
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just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
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I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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