Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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