Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
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Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
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Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
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