I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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