He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
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