If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize