I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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