so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
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Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
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Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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