ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
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he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I supernannyed him into submission
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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