3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
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She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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