Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
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Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
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I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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