he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
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Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
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He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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