id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
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I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
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But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize