Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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