I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
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And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize