I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There r osticjed everywhere
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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