Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize