i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize