you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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