The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
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Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
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When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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