i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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