Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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