Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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