before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize