Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cat food counts as protein by the way
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize