I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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