I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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