1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
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I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
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I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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