i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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