so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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