all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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