When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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