So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
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Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
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He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
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