What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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