Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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