I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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