8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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