saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize