Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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