giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
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You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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