He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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