Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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